I still believe in the value of show, don’t tell as a guideline. I don’t see it as a carved-in-stone rule, but I will stand by this notion, which I often share with my students: You each have a unique mind. And unique thoughts can’t be captured with vague writing.
To help illustrate, I sometimes share this, which I call the Worst Mother’s Day Poem ever. (Students seem more adept at noting what is exceptionally bad vs. what is exceptionally good, or so I’ve found.)
Mom, I think that you’re the best.
You are better than the rest.
I’m so glad that you’re my mother.
I’d pick you over another.
You have taught me right from wrong.
You have taught me for so long.
You are always there for me,
And that makes me so happy.
You work hard to get us stuff.
I hope that my love is enough.
We’ve had rough spots; yes it’s true
But most of all I just love you.
We talk about why Hallmark cards often sound like this, and how they work well because every recipient fills in the blanks from their own memory. Next we isolate phrases that are especially broad, generic, flat. Following this, I ask students to generate specific, image-based responses to these prompts:
2 Lessons you’ve learned from Mom
“Always get three quotes,” or “Never say ‘I love you’ first.”
2 Good Memories
Not “going on vacation” or “watching movies” but “the waterfalls at Watkins Glen” and “sneaking Twizzlers into Lord of the Rings.”
2 things you’ve fought about
Not “what I wanted to wear” or “doing chores” but “the red dress with spaghetti straps” “mowing the lawn.”
2 times you felt supported
Not “coming to my events” or “helping me with schoolwork” but “sitting in the bleachers at volleyball” or “that midnight run to Walmart for my science far supplies.”
2 times you saw her work hard
Not “working hard at your job” but “midnight shifts at the hospital.”
You can break away from the form too, and add best gifts you received, favorite meals prepared, most cherished memory, etc.
Drawing from this raw but vivid material, students don’t struggle to create something that approaches art.
Happy Mother’s Day
Thanks for cutting up watermelons
when I was eight and sick.
For coming to my sixth-grade class
and talking about scuba diving.
For getting your pilot’s license at 62,
just to show me it could be done.
I remember when we rode the bus to New York
for my tenth birthday,
and we took a cab to that museum
with the whale hanging from the ceiling.Later, I know sometimes we fought
when I started sipping Vodka
or skipped church,
but what I remember most
is clinging to your back
as you did laps in the pool,
falling asleep with my face
on your sun-warmed belly.
It’s not Shakespeare, but even lazy readers can see the improvement, the warm invitation a poem makes to its audience when it’s filled with concrete sensual imagery.
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Neil Connelly directed the MFA in creative writing at McNeese State University before returning to his home state of Pennsylvania to teach at Shippensburg University. He’s published two dozen short stories, seven novels, and a collection of short works.